Saturday, November 10, 2012

Posted by Little Sukie Posted on Saturday, November 10, 2012 | 17 comments

Could've,Should've,Would've....

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Slučajno naiđoh ne ovaj  tekst i nekako me pravo dirnuo pa odlucim da ga podijelim sa vama.Ja sam inače ogrezli romantik.Ali imam taj čudni običaj da prvo pročitam kraj knjige i ako je sretan pročitat ću je cijelu.Ljute se ljudi na mene zbog toga ali šta ću.Kad sam već okružena nesretnim ljudima i neuzvraćenim ljubavima ne moram i čitati o njima.Eto bude mi žao kad drugi nisu sretni i kad pate.Dok pokušavam obuzdati tu svoju naviku,ko po nekom baksuzluku opet naletim na tugaljive pričice i pjesmice.

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I came upon this text online and somehow I was really moved by it.That's why I decided to share it with you.My brain is purely optimistic and my soul is purely romantic,but I also have that annoying habit of reading the end of every book first.If it's a happy ending I will read the whole book.My friends scold me for wanting to know everything beforehand but I really can't help myself.If I'm surrounded with unhappy people and forbidden loves,the last thing I need is to read about them.Seeing people sad and unhappy makes me sad and unhappy.While I'm trying to get rid of that habit of mine by some bad luck I always seem to stumble upon sad poems and stories.

 

Nikada nisam naučila razlikovati ovo dvoje.
Uglavnom mi se dešavalo da kažem krivu stvar u najgorem mogućem trenutku ili da šutim kad bi trebala nešto reći.Dovoljno je da znate da se i dan danas pitam šta bi bilo da sam tada i tada rekla to i to.
Ovaj tekst u nastavku je možda nečija tužna sudbina.Možda je i plod nečije mašte.Način pisanja je zbunjujući ali je ishod svakako isti...tužan i razočaravajući.


I never learned to differ these two.I usually say the wrong thing in the worst possible time or I just say nothing when I'm supposed to say something.It's always could've/would've/should've....
The text below may be a true story,a cruel twist of fate or just a figment of someone's imagination.The way it was written is a bit confusing but the ending is still the same...sad and disappointing. 

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Imam jednog prijatelja. Poznajem ga od prvog razreda. Bio je najbolji dječak u školi, jer se na svakom odmoru igrao žmire sa mnom i pratio me je kući kada me je bilo strah da idem sama. Kasnije mi nije bio više toliko drag. Prestao je da ide sa mnom kući i igrao je fudbal sa drugim dječacima svojih godina. Kada bi me ugledao, okrenuo bi se i pričao sa svojim prijateljima. Kada sam imala jedanaest godina moji roditelji su se razveli. Nisam željela da to kažu mojim prijateljicama. Međutim, moja majka me nije mogla gledati tako tužnu, pa ga je pozvala. Došao je i ostao cijeli vikend. Ležali smo na krevetu i gledali TV, plakao je skoro onoliko koliko sam i ja. Svaki put kada ne bih plakala tokom neke reklame, dozvolio mi je da pojedem po jednu kuglu sladoleda od čokolade. Poslije toga je opet išao sa mnom svaki dan kući. Godine su prolazile. Bio je sa mnogim djevojkama, s kojima se i rastavio, ali sam ja uvijek bila ona koju je po noći otpratio kući. U trećem razredu srednje škole, tokom časova matematike, sjedila sam kraj njega. Buljila sam u njega i njegove zelene oči. I u tom trenutku shvatila sam, zašto mi je majka uvijek govorila da su oči ogledalo duše. Tada sam poželjela da mi bude nešto više od druga, iako sam znala da on to ne želi. Slijedeće godine učestvovao je u školskoj pozorišnoj predstavi. Sjedila sam u prvom redu i smješkala mu se, dok je stajao pod svjetlima pozornice. Izgledao je nevjerovatno lijepo i sretno – uzvratio mi je osmijeh. U tom trenutku opet sam poželjela da budemo nešto više od prijatelja, ali sam znala da on to jednostavno ne želi. Nekoliko sedmica nakon toga jedna od mojih prijateljica postala mu je djevojka. Svi su pričali kako su odličan par, jer je i ona bila isto tako lijepa i popularna kao i on. Ali sam ja bila ona koju je svako veće vozio kući. Tako smo jedno veće ostali malo duže u autu - pričao mi je kako je to najbolji period u njegovom životu. Pogledala sam u njegove zelene oči i znala sam da je istina to što govori. Poželjela sam da ja budem ta zbog koje ima najbolje vrijeme u svom životu. Željela sam da budemo više od prijatelja, ali sam znala da on to ne želi. Slijedeći dan u školi morali smo pisati sastav na temu „Prva ljubav“. Znala sam o čemu želim pisati, ali nisam mogla. Kada sam pogledala svog najboljeg prijatelja kako se smješka mojoj prijateljici, poželjela sam da ja budem ta o kojoj bi pisao u svom sastavu. Imala sam želju da budemo nešto više od najboljih prijatelja, ali sam naravno znala da je to nemoguće. Moja prijateljica me je nazvala nekoliko sedmica poslije toga da mi kaže da ju je ostavio. To veče sjedili smo jako dugo u autu. Pričali smo o našim prijateljima, o školi, muzici... Rekao mi je da moju prijateljicu nikad nije volio. Poželjela sam u tom trenutku da meni kaže kako me voli. Htjela sam da budemo više od najboljih prijatelja, ali sam znala da on to ne bi želio. Vrijeme je prolazilo. Odlučio je da nakon mature ide u Kanadu na godinu dana. Na oproštajnom slavlju mi je rekao kako sam njegova najbolja drugarica. Pogledala sam u njegove prelijepe zelene oči i poljubila ga u obraz. Htjela sam da mi kaže kako me ustvari voli i da želi da budemo više od najbolji prijatelja, ali sam znala da on to ne želi. Vrijeme je prolazilo... Kada se vratio, rekao mi je kako je u Kanadi upoznao djevojku i da se želi ženiti. Upoznala sam je. Kada me je pitao šta mislim o njoj, odgovorila sam da mislim da je jako lijepa. A on je meni na to uzvratio da je našao ljubav svog života. Opet sam poželjela da budemo više od prijatelja, ali sam znala da on to ne želi. To veće me je zadnji put vozio kući. Tokom vjenčanja sjedila sam u prvom redu, a on je ponovo stajao pod svjetlom kao u pozorišnoj predstavi, samo što su to ovaj put bila svjetla u crvki. Izgledao je prelijepo i sretno. Nasmijala sam mu se, a on je uzvratio. Pogledala sam u njegove zelene oči i znala sam da je iskren. U tom trenutku poželjela sam da ja stojim ispred oltara sa njim. Željela sam da mi bude više od najboljeg druga, ali sam i znala da on to ne želi. Nakon vjenčanja moj najbolji drug se preselio sa svojom ženom u Kanadu. A ja sam ostala... godine su prolazile. Danas opet sjedim u crkvi... na njegovoj sahrani. Saznajem da se već nakon nekoliko godina razveo od svoje žene. Naša bivša nastavnica drži govor i spominje kako je oduvijek znao divno da piše. Onda počinje da čita jedan dio njegovog sastava, koji smo pisali, dok smo išli u četvrti razred srednje škole: „Moja prva ljubav: Nikada nisam pogledao tu djevojku a da nisam imao želju da joj kažem koliko je volim. Pogledam u njene predivne zelene oči i poželim da joj budem više od najboljeg druga, ali znam da ona to ne želi.“...


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I had a friend once.A friend I've met in the first grade of primary school.He was a good boy who played hide and seek with me during the break and accompanied me home when I was afraid to go alone.But as it usually happens we grew up and found new friends.He just started to turn his head away every time he saw and I was OK with that.When I was eleven my parents divorced.I was ashamed to tell that to my friends.
But my mum couldn't stand seeing me sad and depressed so she called him knowing that he would come.He did and he stayed over the weekend.We lay on my bed and watched TV.He cried as much as I did.But if I'd stopped crying during the commercials he would let me eat ice cream as much as I wanted to. 
After that he continued walking me home every day and every night.
Time passed by.Years have gone by.He dated a lot but I was still the one he always accompanied home and bade good night at the end of the day.In the third grade of high school,we sat together in math.While watching his mesmerizing green eyes I ralized why my mother always said eyes are the windows to the soul.In that moment I wished we were more than just friends but I knew he wasn't interested in that.
In the fourth grade he got a part in a school play.I was sitting in the first row and smiled at him while he was performing on the stage.He looked so beautiful and happy and he kept smiling back.Again I wished we were more than just friends but I knew he wasn't interested in that.Few weeks later he started dating one of my closest friends.Everybody thought they really suit together because they were both so gorgeous and popular.He had a girlfriend but he still drove me home every night.Once we stayed in his car for a while and he told me that this was the best period of his life. When I looked in his eyes I knew he was telling the truth.Suddenly I wished I was the one responsible for that happiness.How I wished we were more than just friends but I knew he wasn't interested in that.
That last year we had to write a story on the topic of our first love.I knew what I wanted to write about but I just couldn't.Seeing my best friend smilling to his girfrind stoped me.I wanted to be the one he will write about instead of her. I wished we were more than just friends but I knew he wasn't interested in that.
They broke up a few weeks after.We sat in his car again and talked about everything,friends,music,school.He told me he never loved my friend.In that moment I wanted to be the one he loved.I wished we were more than just friends but I knew he wasn't interested in that.He decided to go to Canada after he graduation.On our last night together he told me I was his best friend.I looked in his beautiful green eyes and then kissed his cheek.It was all I could do.I wished he told me he loved me but he didn't.I wished we were more than just friends but we weren't.When he came back he told me he had met a girl he wishes to marry.When he asked me what I  thought of her and I said she was beautiful.Than he told me he found the love of his life.Again I wished we were more than just friends but I knew he wasn't interested in that.That night he drove me home for the last time.At his wedding I sat in the first row.Again he looked gorgeous and happy just like that night so long ago.I looked at him and smiled.He smiled back.In that moment I wished I was the one standing there at the altar with him.I wished we were more than just friends but I knew he wasn't interested in that.
 He moved to Canada with his wife and I stayed behind.Years passed and once again I found myself sitting in a church.It was his funreal.Our old techer held a speech saying he always had a gift for wirting and she started reading the story he wrote in the fourth grade of high school,the story about his first love.
"Every time I look at that girl I want to tell her how much I love her.I look at her beautiful green eyes and I wish we were more than just friends,but I know she wasn't interested in that..."

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Dammit,real or not this story really got to me.I will not call these two fools because they were young and at their age everything is real but then again nothing seems real.It's the time of contradictions and misunderstndings.I will also ignore the fact that the highschool teacher outlived her student and every similarity with Cecelia Aherns book Where Rainbow Ends.
I tried to translate this story as trustworthy as I could.If you find any mistakes,please,just ignore them :P

17 comments:

  1. Damn, proglasavam te krivom za cjelodnevnu depresiju.....:(
    Salim se, naravno pricA JE divna...:)

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    1. sorrryyyy,nisam namjerno...i ja sam bila u depri kad sam procitala

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  2. Ja sam uvek za geslo "bolje je reci/uraditi, nego posle zaliti sto nisi", iliti "bolje da se kajem zbog necega sto sam rekla/uradila, nego zbog necega sto nisam". Zivot je suvise kratak, da bi propustali sanse! E sada, kada je u pitanju to da kazemo nesto - treba reci i razgovarati, ali pritom voditi racuna na nacin i uvremenjenost toga sto zelimo da kazemo. LM, da ne bih vise psihologizirala - divan post. Podseca me na pricu Decak i devojcica :) Ne znam da li ucestvujes u linky parties, ali ako budes zelela da upoznas nove blogging prijatelje, pridruzi nam se na: http://theproject6x6.blogspot.com/2012/11/hello-dear-all-in-next-few-weeks-ill-be.html

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    1. Slazem se u potpunosti ,ali nekad ima ono nešto sšto te srpiječi da u datom trenutku kažeš ono što misliš.A priču Dječak i Djevojčica nisam pročitala ali ću je pokušati naći online i rado ću se prodružiti linky parties :)

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    2. To je mala knjizica, vise slikovnica, ali za odrasle. Poput Dobrog drveta. Ima je svuda po knjizarama...

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    3. Mozda je cak moguće da imam tu knjizicu,sad kad bolje razmislim davno sam dobila zbirku prica o tinejdzerima i odrastanju,moram pogledati kod kuce a ako ne bude tot to pogledat cu u knjizarama.

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  3. Ja ne bih izdržala da nešto ne kažem i u ovakvim slučajevima bolje je reći i što se mene tiče ako ćeš reći nešto ružno ili uvredljivo šuti, ali ovako nešto treba reći.

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    1. Slažem se da treba reći otvoreno šta ti je na srcu,ali eto ponekad se zbog nesporazuma i nedostatka komunikacije ljudi unesreće za cijeli život.Ružne i uvredljive stvari obično prve i izađu iz naših usta.Bude brži jezik od pameti

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    2. I ja pomislih isto što i Anleah. Ipak, tužna pričica, valjda se ovakve stvari u životu i ne dešavaju baš često.

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    3. Znaš kako kažu "život piše romane",moralo se nekom desiti da bi se o tome napisala priča.A i ja se iskreno nadam da nema puno ljudi sa ovakvom sudbinom

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  4. ah, bas tuzno..treba covek da kaze dok ne bude kasno..jednom se zivi

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    1. potpuno se slazem,reci sta ti je na dusi pa kud puklo da puklo

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  5. all of the feels, ALL OF THEM!!!

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